Friday, September 30, 2011

Leadership Trends Affecting Single Adult Ministry Today

Recognizing and understanding trends is important in any ministry, and these observations about the following trends deserve to be mentioned:

A. Times change….Single Adult Ministry is always evolving.
B. Trends may influence potential ministry needs.
C. Trends may determine potential ministry direction.
D. Trends may vary by area of the country due to cultural differences, ministry styles, and development of the ministry.

There are many leadership trends in the country affecting single adult ministry today. Among them are….

A. Credibility issues of leaders
- Single adults want leaders who are credible, knowledgeable, and experienced when possible; or at least willing to learn.

B. Crucial need to cast vision – This is a needed element for single adults, leaders in the single adult ministry, and church leaders/pastors.

C. Move from official leadership to gifted leadership – Many churches are using gifted and/or passionate people from the inside of the church instead of hiring a credentialed person from the outside.

D. Larger churches are seeing the need of SAM again -This may be due to the numbers of single adults in their congregations, some of whom are vocal about their needs.

E. Development of leadership training in SAM groups – Leaders are seeing and meeting the need of training others to lead specific areas of the ministry. More priority is being given to training than in the past.

F. Still a void of men in leadership in single adult ministries – Men are slower to attend and commit to a ministry group. Some think they are admitting a need by coming (and they are), and many men are reluctant to admit needs.

G. Eliminating paid Single Adult Pastors positions (or changing their ministry portfolio) and going with a volunteer - led SAM. This is mostly due to financial reasons, but also the unspoken, understood “hierarchy” of ministry focus: children, youth, music/worship, married, etc.

H. Few churches looking to hire a Singles Pastor. There are less churches in the U.S. of any denomination that have a “dedicated, hands on” person to oversee single adult ministry. There are more who oversee an aspect of single adult ministry (small group, divorce recovery, single parent group), but their title doesn’t reflect it.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Loners, Lovers, Losers, Leavers & Livers

There are many common myths, misunderstandings and biases about some single and single-again people today. Because of these biases people sometimes give labels pertaining to single adult ministry and some of the people who attend. These labels can be summarized into five categories which I refer to as the five L’s. The first four express a negative connotation and seem to be verbalized more in the church than in society.

     The ministry/group                                                                               The people
1. “Lonely hearts club”……………………………………………………..."Loners"
2. “Dating Market”……………………………………………….…………"Lovers"
3. “Hospital”…………………………………………………………….…."Losers"
4. “Church”……………………………………………………….………...."Leavers"
5. “Place of/for ministry”………………………………………………........"Livers"

These labels express what some individuals perceive a ministry to single adults to be. They are biased, and when verbalized tend to discourage some people from visiting a ministry. I would be the first to admit it is true there are lonely people that attend groups for single adults; it is true there are people looking for dates in a ministry group for single adults; it is true there are hurting people that attend single adult ministry groups; and it is true there are individuals who consider their single adult ministry group to be their church and do not involve themselves in any other area of the church, including the Sunday service.

I would be quick to point out, however, it does not take being single to be lonely! The loneliest person in your city/town tonight is not a single adult, but a married adult who is in a horrible marriage. This person is wondering, “Lord, can it get any worse than this?” This married adult knows what loneliness is.

A person does not need to be single to be hurting. Many married adults are hurting from the pain of rejection, misunderstanding, lack of affection, verbal and physical abuse, pornography, adultery, and many problems that can be part, although sometimes a hidden part, of a Christian marriage.
It is also true that some single adults are looking for a date or mate in a single adult ministry. As was stated earlier, however, I would rather a man or woman look for a date or mate in a Christian group, where the chances of relating to Christian men and women with biblical morals and values is, hopefully, higher than places the world offers!

Considering the label “hospital and losers”, it needs to be understood that we are all losers without Jesus Christ as our Savior and Lord. Singleness certainly does not necessitate the word loser.
People who use the labels “loners, lovers, losers, or leavers” concerning single adults, and/or use the labels, “lonely hearts club,” “dating market,” “hospital,” or “church,” do so out of fear, insecurity, ignorance, pride or disrespect!  In reality, everyone, Christian or non-Christian, has areas in their lives that are weak and lacking Christ-likeness. The same exact labels could be used for some of the people in almost any church today.