How I Started in Single Adult Ministry

Check out this 3 minute video about how I started in Single Adult Ministry years ago.

Defining Single Adults, Young Adults and Determining Ministry Groups

Let’s talk basics... Who are included in the category of "single adults," and where/how do young single adults fit? I like to specify the different people groups this way...never married, divorced, widowed and single parents of all ages. Simply put, single and single-again people. There is some potential overlap between single adult and young adult ministry. A not-yet married person in his/her early twenties or even thirties could, technically, fall into both groups, but in reality, would only want to be part of a young adult ministry group. People usually relate best to others in their same general age group, whether single or married in the young adult years (19 - mid 30's). When married adults begin having children, however, life circumstances, needs, and challenges change. That's when a young married ministry proves to be beneficial. Generally, our ministry here at the AG National Office targets leaders of young adults who minister to/with all, or part of the age group of 18-35 years old, single and married. Our ministry also targets leaders of single adults who minister to/with all, or part of the age group of 35-60 years old, single and single-again. In both young adult and single adult ministry there are people outside of these age groups, either younger or older, but probably 80-90 percent of those attending one of these ministries across the country will fall into these age groups. In Young Adult Ministry There are several possible age groups/ministry groups. Probably most young adult ministries contain more single adults than married adults. Some young adult ministries have BOTH in the same group, and some have two separate groups, one for single adults and one for married adults.  Also, some churches have an 18-24 year old ministry, some have a separate mid-20’s and 30’s ministry, and some put them all together and have an 18-30 or up to 35 year old ministry. In Single Adult Ministry There are several possible age/ministry groups in single adult ministry also. Some churches have only one age group, usually 30 or 35+ and up. Some ministries have two age groups, 30’s and 40’s, and 50 +.  A few have 3 or more age groups. Single parent families, divorce care, divorce care for kids, and widowed care are four other common groups that single adult ministry may target. These three ministries usually include all ages because of their common life issues and situations. Whatever the case, it's important to find what works for you in your specific situation. Factors such as past history, vision of the pastor or leader, size of the church and community, strategy, amount of involvement by the single adults and young adults, and others, affect these ministries.

Leadership Trends Affecting Single Adult Ministry Today

Recognizing and understanding trends is important in any ministry, and these observations about the following trends deserve to be mentioned:

A. Times change….Single Adult Ministry is always evolving.
B. Trends may influence potential ministry needs.
C. Trends may determine potential ministry direction.
D. Trends may vary by area of the country due to cultural differences, ministry styles, and development of the ministry.

There are many leadership trends in the country affecting single adult ministry today. Among them are….

A. Credibility issues of leaders - Single adults want leaders who are credible, knowledgeable, and experienced when possible; or at least willing to learn.

B. Crucial need to cast vision – This is a needed element for single adults, leaders in the single adult ministry, and church leaders/pastors.

C. Move from official leadership to gifted leadership – Many churches are using gifted and/or passionate people from the inside of the church instead of hiring a credentialed person from the outside.

D. Larger churches are seeing the need of SAM again -This may be due to the numbers of single adults in their congregations, some of whom are vocal about their needs.

E. Development of leadership training in SAM groups – Leaders are seeing and meeting the need of training others to lead specific areas of the ministry. More priority is being given to training than in the past.

F. Still a void of men in leadership in single adult ministries – Men are slower to attend and commit to a ministry group. Some think they are admitting a need by coming (and they are), and many men are reluctant to admit needs.

G. Eliminating paid Single Adult Pastors positions (or changing their ministry portfolio) and going with a volunteer - led SAM. This is mostly due to financial reasons, but also the unspoken, understood “hierarchy” of ministry focus: children, youth, music/worship, married, etc.

H. Few churches looking to hire a Singles Pastor. There are less churches in the U.S. of any denomination that have a “dedicated, hands on” person to oversee single adult ministry. There are more who oversee an aspect of single adult ministry (small group, divorce recovery, single parent group), but their title doesn’t reflect it.

Loners, Lovers, Losers, Leavers & Livers

There are many common myths, misunderstandings and biases about some single and single-again people today. Because of these biases people sometimes give labels pertaining to single adult ministry and some of the people who attend. These labels can be summarized into five categories which I refer to as the five L’s. The first four express a negative connotation and seem to be verbalized more in the church than in society.

     The ministry/group                                                                               The people
1. “Lonely hearts club”……………………………………………………..."Loners"
2. “Dating Market”……………………………………………….…………"Lovers"
3. “Hospital”…………………………………………………………….…."Losers"
4. “Church”……………………………………………………….………...."Leavers"
5. “Place of/for ministry”………………………………………………........"Livers"

These labels express what some individuals perceive a ministry to single adults to be. They are biased, and when verbalized tend to discourage some people from visiting a ministry. I would be the first to admit it is true there are lonely people that attend groups for single adults; it is true there are people looking for dates in a ministry group for single adults; it is true there are hurting people that attend single adult ministry groups; and it is true there are individuals who consider their single adult ministry group to be their church and do not involve themselves in any other area of the church, including the Sunday service.

I would be quick to point out, however, it does not take being single to be lonely! The loneliest person in your city/town tonight is not a single adult, but a married adult who is in a horrible marriage. This person is wondering, “Lord, can it get any worse than this?” This married adult knows what loneliness is.

A person does not need to be single to be hurting. Many married adults are hurting from the pain of rejection, misunderstanding, lack of affection, verbal and physical abuse, pornography, adultery, and many problems that can be part, although sometimes a hidden part, of a Christian marriage.
It is also true that some single adults are looking for a date or mate in a single adult ministry. As was stated earlier, however, I would rather a man or woman look for a date or mate in a Christian group, where the chances of relating to Christian men and women with biblical morals and values is, hopefully, higher than places the world offers!

Considering the label “hospital and losers”, it needs to be understood that we are all losers without Jesus Christ as our Savior and Lord. Singleness certainly does not necessitate the word loser.
People who use the labels “loners, lovers, losers, or leavers” concerning single adults, and/or use the labels, “lonely hearts club,” “dating market,” “hospital,” or “church,” do so out of fear, insecurity, ignorance, pride or disrespect!  In reality, everyone, Christian or non-Christian, has areas in their lives that are weak and lacking Christ-likeness. The same exact labels could be used for some of the people in almost any church today.

 

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Top 10 Critical Issues in Single Adult Ministry Today

There are certainly many important issues in ministry to single adults due to the vast age range of people, diversity of reasons people are single, differences in styles/models of ministry, and many other reasons.  If I had to choose the top 10 most important issues, I  would probably say… 1.  Recruiting and Training Leadership                                                                                 John Maxwell says, “Everything rises and falls on leadership.” I believe this to be true, especially in single adult ministry. The ministry group(s) are only as healthy as the leadership.  Well-trained, competent, motivated leaders who love the Lord and the people will greatly influence the health of the ministry. Maintaining ongoing training for existing and new leaders is needed. 2.  Maintaining a Healthy, Positive Image       Keeping a positive, correct image of the ministry in the eyes of the church is an ongoing need, at least at first. Because there are many types of people who will be attracted (hurting, lonely, socially unskilled, mentally or physically handicapped etc), some people will think the single adult ministry is mostly for, or made up of, these people. Ideas to help keep a positive image include. ·    Regularly stating the purposes of the ministry to the various single adult groups, congregation and pastoralstaff                                                                                            ·    Highlighting healthy single adults in the services, newsletters, websites, and classes              ·    Interviewing sharp single adults in the services and single adult ministry groups                        ·    Providing/stressing outreach opportunities for single adults 3.  Ministry to Single-Parent Families An ongoing ministry to single-parent families is probably one of the most urgent needs of a well-established single adult ministry. Regular times of teaching and discussion targeting their needs, fellowship, food, children’s classes, and activities can be an integral part of their lives.  4.  Bridging Older Young Adults Into Single Adult Ministry Strategizing and finding ways to help older young adults who are unmarried (probably age 35 and older) become a part of the single adult ministry is a challenge. If this is not done, both  a young adult ministry and single adult ministry eventually become older and older. 5.  Correcting the Meat Market Mentality Some people in the Church and community, married and single, think the single adult ministry is either the place to find a date, or mate, or, think most who attend the ministry are looking for a date or mate. Although it is true that some people are looking for a date or mate in the groups, this is not the main purpose of a ministry for single adults. However, it can be a side benefit, and I would rather have them look here than in many places they have looked before in the world. We must work hard at correcting the mentality that we are a “meat market” where people look you over well, and are the place to find Mr. or Miss Right. 6. The Inability/Unwillingness to Confront/Address the Tough Issues Some of the tough issues in single adult ministry that need to be addressed are: Sexuality and singleness, cohabitation, pornography, lust, masturbation, pre-mature marriage issues, weaknesses in leadership, certain biblical beliefs and others. If these are not openly addressed and faced in teaching, counseling and leadership meetings, they will tend to weaken a ministry. People want   leaders who will be genuine, authentic and bold in facing the real issues of life. 7.  Lack of Effective Follow Up of Guests and Semi-Regular Attendees A single adult ministry will attract many first-time visitors. If these guests are not made to feel welcome, chances are very high they will not return. An effective hospitality and follow up ministry is important to the growth of any ministry. 8.  Lack of Community Outreach Events Single adults can become selfish by necessity—They must wash, cook, clean, pay bills, raise the children, repair the car, maintain the yard, etc by themselves. Opportunities to get involved in serving others helps them to look outside their own needs into the needs of people who may have circumstances even more dire than theirs. A single adult ministry needs to offer these opportunities on a regular basis. 9.  Lack of Consistent Evaluation Many aspects of the ministry should be evaluated, in writing, at least twice a year for possible improvement. Teaching topics, styles, teachers, activities, friendliness towards visitors, outreaches, retreats, discipleship opportunities, refreshments, and other areas deserve an opportunity for opinions to be expressed. Don’t be afraid of the answers surveys reveal.  Leaders can learn a lot, which can improve and refine the ministry.  10.  Ministering to the Needy People Ministering to the majority of the people who attend without marginalizing the needy people (see # 2 above) can be somewhat difficult. Needy people should be allowed to attend and should be ministered to, but should not be the major focus of attention of the leaders. Discussing ways to effectively minister to the needy should be one component of leadership meetings.

TRAINING LEADERS - BUILDING A HEALTHY MINISTRY

What can I do to train leaders, helping to ensure health of the ministry?

Training new leaders is an ongoing process, especially in this ministry. Leadership turnover is a constant reality due to the “sliding door” principle (leaders fulfilling their commitment, leaving the ministry, and moving into another area of ministry involvement in the church). Actually, leaders leaving to minister in other areas of the church is a very common, and needed reality! It is a sign of health for single adults to move out of the ministry and into the larger life of the church. Integration into the total life of the church is one of the goals of single adult ministry. These adults need to mix with other individuals who are younger, older, married etc. There will be little understanding of single adults and their life, talents and benefit they can be to the church without them serving in other areas of the church! Some basic training ideas for the single adult ministry leadership team include: 1.  Meet individually with key leaders on a regular basis. This can be done over lunch, coffee, etc to express a personal interest in them, solve problems, brainstorm, pray for them, etc. I suggest meeting with two different leaders each month. 2.  Meet with the leadership team on a regular basis. The “four I - words” can be a good guideline to follow in planning for these meetings.        a.  Information - what needs to be conveyed by the director and each leader?        b.  Involvement - what needs to be discussed?        c.  Instruction - what needs to be taught for personal and ministry growth?        d.  Inspiration - what needs to be shared for motivation? 3.  Give reading assignments. Choose a leadership or ministry development book and ask the team to read a chapter and be prepared to discuss it at the next meeting. 4.  Teach and discuss leadership principles. There are many good books which teach spiritual, organizational and ministry leadership principles. 5.  Model transparency. The pastor/director needs to live a transparent and genuine life in front of the leadership team, as well as admit mistakes and weaknesses to the team. 6.  Hold a leadership class once or twice a year for the purposes of:        a.  Inviting and discovering potential leaders        b.  Inviting and training existing leaders and potential leaders        c.  Building unity in the leadership team        d.  Imparting vision to existing and potential leaders        e.  Improving leadership skills        f.  Praying together        g.  Spiritual growth of the leaders 7.  Plan and host a leadership retreat once a year for the same purposes as the leadership class, but also to have fun together! The retreat costs for each person should be subsized by the ministry. Treat the leadership team as an elite, special group. 8.  Pray consistently and persistently. The leadership team needs to be taught the dire importance of prayer, and their lives need to model an example of prayer for the rest of the group (2 Chronicles 7:14). The larger the ministry, the more prayer is needed. Without prayer, the ministry will become mechanical (going through the motions) and will lack effectiveness. 9. Honor a leader when he/she resigns. Interview the person in front of the group. Ask what they enjoyed about serving....What they learned from serving.... Why they would encourage others to serve etc. 10. Give a gift to the leader. Give a restaraunt gift certificate to the person to take a friend to dinner. This shows you value the leaders who serve with you!

ARE SINGLE ADULT MINISTRIES ATTRACTING MANY PEOPLE UNDER 35 YRS OLD?

Question: It seems many single adult ministries are not attracting the younger single adults (under 35) as much as they used to, and the older age of those attending has risen. Is this true, and if so, what are the reasons for this?

Answer: I think it is true that fewer single adults under 35 want to attend a single adult ministry today, especially those who have never married. 30 years ago, even 18 – 25 year olds had little problem attending a single adult ministry, but that has changed. Most 18- 35 year olds will usually not attend a single adult ministry event. Usually, only the divorced or widowed person under 35 will even consider attending something labeled “single adult.” Most unmarried adults under 30, and some under 35, don’t think of themselves as “single,” just “not married yet.”

Single Now Means Unattached
We must remember the word single in its traditional meaning signifies “unmarried.” Due to cultural changes the last 25 years, however, this has now morphed into “unattached.” You may even hear an unmarried 30 yr. old say, “I’m not single. I’ve been dating a person four months now.” Also, young single adults age 18-30 don’t consider themselves “single” anymore. They might say, “My mother is 54 and divorced; She’s single.”

To see these realities, ask yourself….”What is the percentage of single adults under age 35 attending my Single Adult Ministry?” (not Young Adult Ministry) These young, unmarried adults would rather identify with a “Young Adult Ministry.” Thankfully, some churches are recognizing this and beginning targeted ministries for them.

45% Can Be Misleading
The 45% figure quoted to represent all unmarried adults (never married, divorced, widowed, single parent) in the U.S. can be misleading because this figure includes all ages of unmarried adults 18 yrs old till death.  It is also true that a higher percentage of older single adults age 60+, mostly divorced and widowed; do not want to be identified with a senior adult ministry. Probably the majority of single 60 – 70 year olds don‘t want to be labeled “senior adult” because it bears the connotation of being “elderly,” and age is not exactly revered or admired in our culture today.

In a nutshell, I am saying probably 80% or more of adults in a single adult ministry during the years of….
              1975 – 1985 were ages 25 - 55
              1986 – 1995 were ages 30 - 60
              1996 – 2005 were ages 35 - 65
              2006  -     ?     are ages 40 – 70

It is clear to see the bottom and top ages have risen about 15 years in the last 35.

A Realistic Target Age Span
Most single adults who are late 60’s and older will usually not attend a single adult event. They either don’t go out much, or, may be part of a senior adult ministry. Additionally, people are divorcing well into their 60’s now. All of this makes the age of single adult ministry continue to increase on the bottom and top end.

To obtain a realistic potential market, subtract the numbers of unmarried people in your church and community under age 35, and over age 65, and you have an age span of 30 years to consider as a realistic target age for single adult ministry. This makes the target group who would attend a single adult ministry much smaller than 50% of all adults.

 

Single Creek Movie Inspires Single and Married Adults

http://www.christiannewswire.com/news/2581317227.html

Check out this recent press release about the movie Single Creek! The new film is stirring interest, passion, and enthusiasm about reaching, discipling and using the talents and creativity of single adults of all ages.

Ministry Issues In A Small Church

There are several issues in a small church that affect ministry to single adults differently than in a large church. Some of these include: 

1. Less single adults - Smaller churches will have less single adults than larger churches. For example, a church of 200 may only have 15-25 single adults of any age or type.  It would be unwise to try to group all of them together every week in a ministry group. Younger adults in their 20s and 30s would soon leave after seeing people their parents and grandparents age! Different interests, physical abilities, and social desires due to different life stages would be apparent. Leaders in a small church need to decide which age group (18-25, 18-35, 30 +), or need group (single parent families, divorce care, widowed) they will target. A small church may only effectively reach one age group, unless it joins with at least one other church to co-sponsor the ministry.

2. Co-sponsoring a ministry. The day of the “lone ranger ministry” is over! Even a large single adult ministry needs to network with other ministries for expanding their vision, fellowship and large events. Small churches, especially in small towns, should consider joining together to sponsor an area-wide ministry to single adults. This will give a larger pool of adults to draw from to support the ministry. This breeds success, since single adults want to meet other single adults. Leaders may want to decide to host the regular weekly group at a neutral location, somewhere besides any of the church buildings. See chapter six of Reaching Single Adults-An Essential Guide for Ministry for other ideas.

When considering co-sponsorship, elements to resolve include:
•  Finances - Issues regarding income, expenses, offerings, checking accounts etc will need to be resolved.
•  Meeting days/times - Avoid days and times which conflict with major services/events of any of the sponsoring churches.
•  Doctrine - Even though leaders of single adult ministries do not usually teach doctrine, pastors will want to have commonalities in this area.
•  Promotion of sponsoring churches - Pastors may want to agree on how and when each church will be promoted.
•  Leadership team - It would be wise, as much as possible, to have approximately equal numbers of individuals from each church on the leadership team.

3. The volunteer leader - Small churches are usually not able to hire even a part-time person to develop the ministry. A small church may have a volunteer leader, if at all. Large churches are usually more aware of the numbers of single and single-again people because of their larger church body and tend to have a staff pastor to oversee the ministry. Having a volunteer leader is certainly better than having none at all. The issues this person will have to deal with, however, include possible lack of time, training, resources, finances, networking relationships etc.  

4. Lack of time - The volunteer leader will face the struggle of having enough time to
meet the demands of the ministry. Administration, planning, studying, teaching, recruiting and training leadership, finding resources, visitation etc take a lot of time. He/she needs financial, moral and prayer support from the pastor and church leadership to be effective.

5. Lack of finances - Money to run the ministry will usually be in short supply in small churches and in many large churches also. Priority is usually given to the more traditional, established ministries of children, youth, music etc before single adult ministry. Regular offerings could/should be taken and kept toward the expenses.

6. Networking relationships with other leaders - The volunteer leader needs to
work diligently at finding and  developing relationships with other leaders in the same geographical area.

7. Teaching/training resources - Because small churches do not usually hire a leader for this ministry, they should, at the very minimum, pay for books, videos, and other teaching and training resources the leader will need. The leader should not hesitate or feel guilty about asking for this! Most churches purchase curriculum and materials for children’s, youth, music and other ministries.